


What The Heart Wants

by pulvisetumbra



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has passed on his obliviousness, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Clizzy is not a background pairing, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Movie Night, Supportive Alec Lightwood, izzy has a crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8144038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulvisetumbra/pseuds/pulvisetumbra
Summary: Sometime after Jace disappeared with Valentine, Izzy seeks out Alec to ask for advice about her love life. Turns out her brother isn’t the only oblivious Lightwood around.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I’ve written in… I don’t even know. Ages. Please be kind!  
> That said – I don’t have a beta reader, so feedback is appreciated!

Finally, after following him around for three hours, Izzy had her brother where she wanted him; at his desk, brooding over mission reports. She had him cornered here. She didn't know how comfortable he was with touchy-feely talk these days, and she didn't want him to run from her – and here, he wouldn't. If there was anything Alec hated more than heart-to-hearts, it was unfinished paperwork.

  
So Izzy sat down on the corner of the desk, and when Alec ignored her, she poked his shoulder.

  
"Hey, Alec?"

  
"Hm?" He crossed out a few words and scribbled down a note in the margin, not looking up.

  
"I need your advice.”

  
"Hm."

  
“Alec.” Izzy poked him again. "It's about a crush."

  
That got his attention. He looked up, annoyed. "And you're coming to me of all people?"

  
"Well, it's a crush on a girl, so yes."

  
Alec's eyes widened and usually Izzy would have gotten a kick out of seeing him so baffled, but today was different. She was too nervous to enjoy this properly. Which was a damn shame, really.

  
"I - okay." He finally put his pen down. "I, uh. I didn't know you weren't straight."

  
"Neither did I, big brother." Izzy assured him. "I thought I was until I met her. I was surprised, too. I mean – I’ve explored my sexuality very thoroughly, so-"

  
"Right. Okay. I get it." Alec cut her off, glaring at her when she threw him a smirk. "So who is it?"

  
Izzy saw no reason to keep it from him; she knew he wouldn't tell anyone. "It's Clary."

  
"Oh. Right, of course." This time, Alec didn't look surprised at all; and Izzy was more than a little alarmed.

  
"Is it that obvious?" If _Alec_ could tell, no one could miss it.

  
"I mean - yes. You're always together, you wear each other's clothes..."

  
But he couldn’t hold her gaze, and Izzy relaxed. Maybe not all that alarming, then.

  
“Let me guess; Magnus figured it out and he told you?"

  
"... Alright, yes, he did."

  
"Good. I would have been worried otherwise." Izzy pushed herself off the desk and sat down on the couch. "You're usually the last person to notice these things. I love you, but you're oblivious."

  
"Thanks, Iz." Alec rolled his eyes and went back to editing his report.

  
"So what do I do?"

  
"What do you mean?" He didn’t glance up again. "Go find her and tell her how you feel."

  
Now it was Izzy's turn to be surprised. " _You_ want me to tell Clary how I feel? I was expecting step-by-step instructions for bottling up your feelings. How To Hide From Yourself: Denial For Dummies. That kind of thing."

  
Alec scoffed. "Oh, yeah. Because that worked out so well for me.”

  
“You're dating the High Warlock of Brooklyn, so… I’d say it did, yes.”

  
“Izzy, talk to Clary."

  
Izzy couldn't shake the feeling that she was supposed to be proud; her emotionally constipated brother was giving her good, healthy advice on how to deal with her emotions. It was impressive. And not at all what Izzy had been hoping for.

  
"I can't do that." She frowned. "I don't even know if she likes me back."

  
"She does. Or at least Magnus is convinced she does."

  
Izzy allowed herself to feel excited for a brief moment, then decided not to get her hopes up. "Even Magnus isn't always right."

  
Alec sighed and put his paperwork aside. "Look, Izzy. I get it, believe me, I do. It's scary. But - hiding it, it's not as easy as it sounds. It hurts, you’re always on edge… It's not fun. You have to tell her. And if Magnus is wrong, and she doesn't like you back, at least you'll know for sure. And then you can move on. You won't be able to move on until you know for sure."

  
Izzy considered that and leant back with a sigh. "Listen to yourself. All mature and in touch with your emotions. It's gross."

  
Alec laughed. "You're proud of me."

  
"So proud it annoys me." Izzy agreed.

  
"Tell Clary."

  
"I don't think I know how."

  
"I'm not worried." Alec shrugged, moving on to the next report. "You'll figure something out."

 

* * *

 

 

Izzy spent the next week trying to live up to her brother's expectations, which was much easier said than done – she was out of her depth here. This never happened to her. She could always tell if her crush liked her back. This was new, and Izzy did not like it.

  
She still didn't know how to tell Clary when a fire message from Maryse made her put her pondering on hold. It was a letter summing up all the flippant remarks Maryse and Robert had gotten that week, and reminding Alec no less than seven times, and in no uncertain terms, that they were his fault, that he had tarnished the Lightwood name forever, that honour was more important than happiness, and that she had been declared Idris’ Worst Mom.

  
Alright, Izzy had made up that last part, but she thought it would fit.

  
She slapped the message down on the desk and wondered how mad Alec would be if she burned it right here in his office.

  
"I should tell her."

  
"Tell her what?" Alec asked, picking up a sheet of paper.

  
Izzy briefly considered taking his pen away - no doubt the reply he was writing was way too polite - but decided that fighting impolite fire messages with impolite fire messages was not the best idea where their mother was concerned.

  
"That I'm bi. To get her off your back. She's always liked you better. If I give her a reason to be mad at me, she'll forget she's mad at you."

  
"Right." Alec scoffed. "Or maybe she'll give up on both of us and disown us altogether. Don't tell her you're bi just because you're mad at her, Iz. I can't say I'm an expert on coming outs but that doesn't seem like a good reason."

  
"Are you talking about me?"

  
Izzy looked up so fast she almost gave herself whiplash. There, in the doorway - why did no one ever shut the doors around here? - stood Clary. Izzy desperately hoped that the blush she was wearing would cover up the flush she could feel creeping into her cheeks. Just to be safe, she shot Clary a bright smile to hide it.

  
Alec was unaffected. "No, we were talking about Izzy."

  
"I- right, that makes more sense. I just thought, you know. Because you mentioned coming out as bi. I, er, anyway. Alec, my mom gave me a list of places where she thinks Valentine might look for Mundanes next." Clary held up a piece of paper. "Sorry if I'm interrupting."

  
"Oh, not at all. Come in." Izzy didn't even try to make sense of Clary's ramblings - her heart was beating so loudly she couldn't hear her own thoughts. She'd think about it later. "So, you heard what Alec thinks, but we all know he’s allergic to good ideas. What do you think? Should I tell Maryse just to piss her off?"

  
Clary just stared at her for a moment but snapped out of it when Izzy raised her brow. She shrugged. "I think that's up to you. If you're sure that's how you want to come out to your parents, I say go for it."

  
"Oh sure, yeah." Alec's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Just go for it, don't think about the consequences. Consequences are for boring people."

  
Izzy ignored him. Clary did, too.

  
"For the record," her eyes meet Izzy's and Izzy felt her knees go weak, "I think it's a very brave thing to do."

  
"Brave? I think you meant rash and stupid." Alec groused.

  
Once again, Izzy ignored him completely. "Thank you."

  
Clary held her gaze for a long moment, and when she finally tore her eyes away from Izzy's to hand Alec the list, Izzy could have sworn that Clary's cheeks were pink, too.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later Izzy was sitting on her bed, a bowl of popcorn in her lap and Clary at her side. They had checked out one of the places on Jocelyn's list, and it had been a complete bust. They had found less than nothing.

  
Nevertheless, the night was not ruined, as Clary and Izzy had made it their post-mission tradition to hide in their rooms and watch Mundie movies until they could be sure that Alec wouldn't make them do the mission paperwork. It was a good way to wind down after a mission and it gave them a chance to relax, to forget about Jace and Valentine and the Clave for a few hours. The added bonus of not having to do any paperwork wasn't bad either.

  
Tonight, they were watching some high school movie. Those were Izzy's favourite kind. The only school she'd ever attended was the Academy in Idris, and that hadn't been nearly as much fun.

  
"I know you don't want to hear this," Clary said, leaning back against the headboard, "but Mundane schools aren't like that at all. We never had a food fight."

  
"Well, maybe your school was exceptionally boring." Izzy suggested, and Clary's answering chuckle made her smile.

  
"Maybe."

  
Satisfied with that answer, Izzy reached into the popcorn bowl - and nearly pulled her hand back immediately when her fingers brushed Clary's. Fortunately she managed to resist the urge to embarrass herself, and, instead of flinching away like she had been burned, she left her hand where it was, her heart pounding.

  
A few seconds passed and neither of them moved, and Izzy's cheeks heated up when she realized that Clary wasn't pulling away either. She swallowed, feeling twelve again, wondering what this meant, wondering what to do next - should she take Clary's hand? Link their fingers? She could hook her pinkie around Clary's, but maybe that wasn't -

  
\- and then, before she could do anything, Clary grabbed some popcorn and pulled away. Izzy's skin was still tingling where her hand had touched Clary’s, but the moment had passed.

  
"Actually," Clary moved on like nothing had happened, "I guess there was that one time - flu season, and some guy vomited all over Simon's shoes. Does that count as a food fight?"

  
It took Izzy a moment to remember what they had been talking about but when it came back to her she grimaced. Goodbye, butterflies. Vomit wasn't exactly romantic. "Seriously? I'll take boring over that any day."

  
Clary chuckled again, making Izzy smile again, before she shifted, moving closer, and rested her head on Izzy's shoulder - and this time Izzy was sure that her makeup wouldn't cover the blood that came rushing to her cheeks.

  
"No, you wouldn't. You hate boring." Clary said, and Izzy was beginning to envy her her ability to appear casual when the situation was anything but. Or maybe it was and Izzy was reading way too much into this.

  
"You're right. I do hate boring." Izzy forced herself to relax. "That's why we're watching movies while Alec is drowning in paperwork."

  
"Paperwork isn't the only reason we're here." Clary answered, and went back to watching the movie.

  
Half an hour later she had dozed off, her head still on Izzy's shoulder, and Izzy was staring at the TV, still trying to figure out what she had meant by that.

 

* * *

 

 

They worked through the whole list and when they returned from searching the last place Jocelyn had written down they were no closer to finding Valentine than they had been a few weeks ago.

  
No trace of Valentine, and no trace of Jace either, and that night Izzy couldn't focus on the movie at all. She was sitting on Clary's bed, hugging her legs to her chest, and next to her Clary was picking at a loose thread on her sweatshirt, not even pretending to be paying attention. Izzy managed to ignore the weird silence for five minutes before she grabbed the remote and switched off the TV, and slid off the bed.

  
Clary looked up, surprised. "What are you doing?"

  
"Come on. Let's go."

  
"Go where? What's wrong?" But Clary was already getting up, and when Izzy left the room she followed.

  
"You need a distraction," Izzy told her, "we both do. And I know for a fact that we won't find it here."

  
They couldn't go far. With Valentine and his army of Mundane Shadowhunters looming over them sneaking out wasn't nearly as much fun as it used to be, so Izzy took Clary up to the roof. It was safe there - relatively safe, at least - but it was still a change of scenery, and the cool air was soothing. Up there, the silence they shared didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt heavy, but peaceful.

  
"I feel bad." Clary muttered after a while. "Maybe this is stupid, but I feel guilty for worrying so much. It's - he was protecting us, and... It feels like I should trust him. He can take care of himself, and I'm sure he knows what he's doing."

  
Izzy wasn't so sure about that - Jace had always been more of a 'do the stupid thing and worry about the consequences when it's too late' kind of guy - but she decided to keep that to herself.

  
"I worry too," She told Clary, gently bumping their shoulders together, "I think that's okay. He's like family to me, and... you're in love with him."

  
Clary pulled her sleeves over her hands. "He's my brother."

  
"Well," Izzy shrugged, "The heart wants what the heart wants."

  
Clary said nothing for a long moment. Then, just as Izzy was starting to wonder if she had upset her, she sighed.

  
"I'm not in love with him. I think I was... or maybe I was about to be. I think I was falling in love with him. But now..." She shrugged.

  
Izzy ignored the excitement welling up in her gut and glanced at Clary. Her red hair looked even softer in the moonlight.

  
"The brother thing was kind of a turn off?"

  
"Yes, that. And… there's someone else." Clary decided, and turned to face her.

  
Their eyes met and Izzy swallowed thickly.

  
"Simon?" She asked, feeling oddly lightheaded.

  
"No." Clary said, and Izzy saw her eyes dart down.

  
By the angel.

  
Izzy got it now. She finally understood.

  
Clary made her feel things she had never felt before, but the game itself hadn't changed; the rules Izzy knew by heart, they all still applied, the signs of attraction were still the same. Clary's side was pressed against hers and Clary's gaze was on her lips, and Izzy brushed a strand of red hair behind her ear and leant in and kissed her.

  
And when Clary kissed back, her eagerness told Izzy that they could have been doing this for weeks.

  
They pulled apart way too soon, and Izzy rested her forehead against Clary's and raised her hand to cup her cheek, butterflies dancing in her stomach.

  
"You know," Clary sounded breathless, and Izzy thought, heat rushing through her, that she wanted to make her sound like this more often, "I think she likes me back."

  
Izzy laughed, "Yes. I think you're right. She does," and they were kissing again.

  
Later, Clary rested her head on Izzy's shoulder again and for the first time in months, Izzy wasn’t thinking about Jace. For the first time in months, she felt like everything would be okay.


End file.
